新垣結衣
why did the cake is a lie become the like most quoted portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier
why did the cake is a lie become the like most quoted portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier
“Look, we both said a lot of things that *you’re* going to regret.”
“Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELL I WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?”
“Nice job breaking it, hero”
“Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle…piloting a blimp”
Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines
“Maybe after you finish this test, I’ll let you take the elevator all the way up to the break room… and I’ll tell you about the time I saw the deer again.”
“It’s a mystery I’ll have to solve later. By myself. Because you’ll be dead.”
“Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise– * really loud ass train horn* “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.“
“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”
“Don’t let that ‘horrible person’ thing discourage you. It’s just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”
”Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry. You didn’t react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.“
“Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version- [unintelligible] There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I’ll be right back.”
“This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They’re the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That’s you in five seconds. Good luck.”
“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”
“Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO.”
”Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children’s museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children’s museum.“
“Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber…. is looking pretty good.”
I’ve heard they actually had to rewrite a lot of her dialogue for the early part of Portal 2 to be more ridiculous and petty, as it was actually so on-point and vicious it was making playtesters not want to play the game.
every single post that says its ok to not wear makeup has like nine hundred replies saying “actually some girls LIKE the inescapable, crushing demand that they expend their money, time, and energy concealing and altering their natural features to better mimic an artificial and unattainable standard!!! leg contouring is girl power”
People who like rocks see cool rocks everywhere. People who like birds see interesting birds everywhere. The tree on your yard could be an exceptional specimen. The world around you could be amazing and magical, but you aren’t enough of a nerd to see it.
I gave my mum Alexandra Horowitz’s On Looking: Eleven Walks Through Expert Eyes for her birthday this year, it’s a book that revolves around this idea: the author invites 11 specialists in different things to walk around a boring city block with her one after the other so they can point out to her the things they see, that she doesn’t notice. There’s an expert in typography talking about what the variety of fonts on urban signs can tell you about the city’s history, an entomologist pointing out all the urban insects no one pays attention to, a geologist, a sound engineer…
idc if u like winter or autumn or whatever nothing tops summer evenings when the sun hasnt fully set and the air is still warm but theres a light breeze and everything is getting more quiet except for the birds and crickets and its a perfect time to go on a walk and just breathe
If Snow White literally had “lips red as a rose, hair black as ebony, and skin white as snow,” she’d look like a walking nightmare.
honestly this sounds like the description of a vampire. Which would also explain how she convinced seven dwarves to let her stay with them. How she could control some animals to do her bidding. How she could sleep for a long time without aging. Why the hunter betrayed the queen for her, and why the queen wanted her heart, so she could be sure she was killed properly.
Shit, THIS is a retelling I want to read.
“Are you as good as they say?” the queen asked the huntsmen.
“Good enough,” he said shortly. “I’ve been in the business of hunting vampires for a few years now, and I’m not undead yet. I catch more grief from false leads than from the real thing. So how do I know this vampire of yours isn’t just a bad cough that’s been going around?”
The queen quirked a smile. “A mirror told me.”
The huntsmen looked more interested now. “She has no reflection?”
“She has no reflection. So unless she’s too beautiful for even a looking glass to dare paint her, I don’t think you need to worry about a false lead.”
Have you guys read Snow, Glass, Apples by Neil Gaiman? Because, while it’s not explicitly a vampire Snow White, it’s quite close.
The colour scheme red/white/black is generally considered unnatural or - surprise - undead. Snow White being a vampire is not at all far-fetched and not really new either ;) Y'all are in good literary company.

